At the End
by Athena's phoenix
Summary: Ciel knows. He has always known that he made a mad, desperate choice. He has always known that Sebastian is far from the face of perfection that he shows to the world. Ciel just chooses not to think on it. Manga-verse. Rated M for a rather violent and disturbing dream sequence. One shot. Character study (sort of).


Kuroshitsuji. Manga-verse. Horror/Angst. (Rated M for a rather violent and creepily disturbing dream sequence. This is some seriously fucked up shit.) Timeline? Sometime early on, before Ciel becomes irredeemable. Before the turning point.

**Summary:** Ciel knows. He has always known that he made a mad, desperate choice. He has always known that Sebastian is far from the face of perfection that he shows to the world. Ciel just chooses not to think on it.

* * *

_"When you receive your crown decorated in despair your soul will surely be extremely delicious."-Sebastian_

_"…Your feet are steadily sinking into the bog. Even if you're dragged forcefully into unfamiliar territory, you never show your unsightly form which is screaming for help." –Lau_

Ciel was finally, blissfully_,_ alone. The night wind tore at his clothes and whipped the ties of his eye patch against his neck and cheek, but he welcomed it. It no longer mattered to him that he could not feel is toes in his boots, or his fingers or nose. All that he cared about was getting away…because…Ciel had _dreamed_ earlier that night.

He had been, briefly, back behind rusted metal bars: reaching, screaming out to faceless monsters which would not look at him. But then—_then_—Sebastian had arrived, and Ciel hadn't even _cared_ anymore. He would have done anything, given _anything _to get out. And Sebastian had descended, and wrapped him up in a warm something—a cloak? A blanket? A towel, like after a bath?—and whisked him away.

And abruptly he was in his own home, in his own bed, and Ciel had let go of the tension that held his heart in a vice. He was safe now, after all, with his ever-faithful protector. _His guard dog._ And Ciel had snuggled down into his coverlet and looked up at the butler who stood stoically beside the bed.

"Sebastian," he had said in a distant sort of dream voice, "I want you to know… that I would be lost without you. I want to thank you; you don't know how much—how much you being here means to me…."

He allowed himself trail off, for Sebastian's expression hadn't changed and his eyes were empty as he looked at Ciel.

"No need to thank me, young master." the butler had replied all the same in his usual smooth manner; and suddenly Sebastian was looming overhead, filling the entire range of Ciel's vision.

"I was only looking after my own interests," he said blandly, eyes flashing crimson, "A soul so innately pure is quite a prize, after all, and even better once corrupted. I even made it into a game. Tainting something so _good._"

Sebastian's dispassionate eyes bored into him.

"I shall enjoy this meal, I think." And without another word he _moved_, and Ciel was suddenly pinned down, his duvet vanished. And the butler was no longer a butler, but a demon: eyes slit, fangs glistening, and long claws digging into Ciel's forearms.

"Se-Sebastian!?" the boy exclaimed, "What are you doing? I order you to stop!"

But Sebastian did not seem to hear him, and merely raised a hand to cup the Earl's face, as he had just before Ciel had received the contract seal.

"Such a delicious looking soul," Sebastian murmured.

And Ciel didn't understand what was happening; what had happened to his butler? What had changed? The contract wasn't complete!

"Stop!" he cried, "The contract isn't complete! You're _my_ butler, I _order you—_"

And finally Sebastian's expression changed, a soft smile adorning his lips.

"Oh, young master," he said, his hand slipping from Ciel's cheek, claws skimming down his throat and to the neck of his nightshirt, "did you truly think that I was _yours?_ That our relationship was anything but a _lie?_ You know the truth; you have from the start. I am a _demon._ And I am here to _eat you._" The demon's hand flicked and dark claws pierced fabric and flesh in one deft movement. Ciel _gasped_ as Sebastian sliced slowly, gently down his chest and to his stomach, blood immediately budding forth from the razor-thin line and seeping into the fringes of his nightshirt.

Then Sebastian carefully slipped his fingers into the cut and _tore,_ widening the gash as Ciel went fully stiff beneath his hands, unable to breathe. With a chuckle, Sebastian then reached fully in and easily broke off a rib with a crack, withdrawing the bone and carelessly placing it aside.

"Humans really are too fragile," the demon tsk-ed, "so easily damaged by injury or illness…So _utterly annoying_ to look after. But," he mused, snapping out another rib, "their pitiful lives are but a means to an end, and end product is _quite_ worth it. Such odd and entertaining creatures."

Sebastian paused in his motions, frowning down at Ciel, who was sinking—drowning—in waves of aching, blinding pain and who was only vaguely able to listen to his words. Then the demon leaned forward, and scooped out his heart, still attached and still beating. It was only a moment later when Ciel seemed to slip back into awareness, drawn forward by the strangest sensation…of Sebastian's _teeth_ raking lightly against his heart.

Unable to speak, the boy could only watch as the demon slipped the fragile muscle into his mouth and held it there, gently, his eyes now locked onto Ciel's.

Ciel saw nothing there but amusement.

And then teeth _sliced_.

And Ciel woke up.

Upon waking, the young earl lay frozen, blood pounding into his ears and rapid breaths rasping through his throat.

"Young master?"

Ciel flinched violently, his eyes flying open to stare at the demon at his bedside.

"Young master, have you had a nightmare?" Sebastian murmured leaning forwards with brows furrowed in a pretense of concern.

Ciel gazed unblinking into the butler's eyes, searching, and when the boy didn't respond, his dark guardian tried again:

"Would you like me to fetch you a glass of water? Or warm milk?"

Forcing his muscles to relax, Ciel said in an attempt at a casual tone, "No. That won't be necessary. Just go, and leave me alone for the rest of the night."

The demon murmured an obligatory "yes my lord" and turned to go. But when he was almost at the door, Ciel added:

"That's an order."

_Because amusement was still all he saw in those eyes. _

Sebastian stiffened for barely a split second before leaving, and once the door was shut fully behind him, Ciel pushed himself out of bed and into motion, dropping his calm façade. He scurried about the room, pulling on mismatched clothing before slamming open the bedroom door and running. He ran all the way to the front door of the townhouse and out into the street before he came to a stop, the cold air scraping at his lungs as he struggled to catch his breath. Then, shuddering, he began to walk.

Ciel didn't have a destination, and he didn't particularly care about his health. All he knew was that he needed to get away before he went mad. Or rather, as he sometimes thought, _more mad._ Truly, he wondered if his parents would recognize him, should he stand before them as he was; the Ciel that they knew was dead, and in his place walked a bitter, broken shell of a boy who made a terrible mistake in terrible circumstances.

_I should have died,_ he thought. It would have been better, but he had been too afraid. He still was. And he hadn't been thinking about anything save for his own desperation, and fear, and hate. He _certainly_ hadn't been thinking of the _consequences._

_You have to live with the choices you make. And I'm going to be eaten by a demon._

Still, Ciel had chosen his path, and he would follow through. There were no other options; no other possible outcomes; he would die—be _eaten_—no matter what he did now, so he would follow through on his revenge unflinchingly. He had taken such pride in that determination, but all it really was, was cowardice. Ciel just hadn't wanted to face his own weakness. The fact was, he was stuck here: no matter what he would have to do to get there, no matter how he might change along the way, he was committed. And though he might pretend otherwise, he knew the truth beyond the constant act. He knew what Sebastian was, and what the end of the story would be. Ciel just preferred not to think about it.

* * *

**A/N:** Because let's face it. Sebastian thinks of Ciel as means for a meal and some entertainment in the meantime. And as much as I liked Ciel in the beginning of the manga, he's just gonna keep becoming darker and darker as the story goes on, and he's going to die in the end. He's doomed. I just hope that Sebastian ends up dying as well. He's seriously my least favorite character in anything ever. I hate him more than Umbridge. D:

Ah, as far as Ciel's actions in the dream sequence go, well, it is a dream so naturally he'd say and do things that he never would in real life. And as for how he feels towards Sebastian? Well, distrustful, obviously, even though conversely he trusts him more than anyone. Hatred and fear, to some extent, I'm sure. But also fondness, because that's just human nature. When you're around someone enough, you kinda start to like them. Even if you didn't to start out feeling that way, you can develop sort of a fond disliking of them rather than just disliking them. Ever heard of Stockholm syndrome? _Yeah._ Plus, he's a kid. And Sebastian _has _ended stepping up as sort of a father figure. Ciel can't help but care about him, and want to be cared for in return. _Children need love, people._ And Ciel needs therapy.

Yeah, so, please review, even if it's to rant at me.

(On another note, I think that this is the most disturbing thing that I've ever written.)


End file.
